this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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