He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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