she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
