she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
