I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
