So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
