You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Drake has all the answers
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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