I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I stole a fireplace last night.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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