She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just had sex on a roof
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
