I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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