too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
