Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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