Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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