neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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