Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
