I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
