Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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