She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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