Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
