it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
