Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Four minutes until I can fart!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
