i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
