he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
