just tell him i said nine months
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Im part way to drunk.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
