1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
