my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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