This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
