It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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