Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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