They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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