are you still at the devil's house?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize