Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
