so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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