are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
