i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
organizing the empties. That sober.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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