evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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