i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
We are two peas in an std pod
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
