Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
