I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
