I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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