I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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