1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
