Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
please come you make the beer taste better
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
