well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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