New low: just hacked my moms facebook
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She's the barista slut.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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