Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
