Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
