There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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