FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
