Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
