I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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