And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
