I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I don't deserve a penis
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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