Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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