Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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