I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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