i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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