Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
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