What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
