I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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