OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
