Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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